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| | Story Time Thread - Release your imagination |  |
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+13TerraChika Broken Hyoka Midreus shinigami ironpen27 reiya zachie69 necrio Wolf Hikari FrozenEdge Idontlive Nisa 17 posters | |
| Author | Message |
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Midreus
Adept Poster
 Posts : 686
Join date : 2011-03-01
Age : 32
Location : sayang world
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sat Mar 12, 2011 6:15 am | |
| - necrio wrote:
- LXE wrote:
- necrio wrote:
put a pilot in that fat boytitan and you've got yourself a nice fanfic. It did say that it's a weapon that can destroy entire planets! that's CN, this is destructor we're talking about. Destructor's missiles can also wipe planets out, or at least the description states that it destroyed many planets during some ancient battle (presumably with its missiles). it's just that they've been limited to less than a thousandth of their original power for the ones we can use *going off memory* | |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sat Mar 12, 2011 6:47 am | |
| - necrio wrote:
- LXE wrote:
- necrio wrote:
put a pilot in that fat boytitan and you've got yourself a nice fanfic. It did say that it's a weapon that can destroy entire planets! that's CN, this is destructor we're talking about. The CN, can knock planets out of orbit, but the original can destroy planets. But the problem is if you're going to put a pilot in Destructor, is that the Destructor has been around since the so called "Ancient times" which is a long long time ago. So what I suggest is a "reawakening" of the Destructor. As in, the pilot finds a Half destroyed Destructor and Destructor CN, those two bots realise his potential and lets him take them back to his workshop. This will fit very very nicely. The story also needs a connection with the upgrade of Contradict as well. So if you're going to write a backstory, You'll need to have Destructor, Destructor CN, Contradict, and Destructor Girl as your main characters. As for why the Destructor is having problems with me and Haru, she's the youngest in the group, we kinda treat her like a kid. I tease her weak spots a lot coz' she's so cute~~! <3 XDDDDDDD (She doesn't really mind, but when it gets out of control, You don't wanna see her angry) And for Haru, I have no idea... So what are the names of the Fangirls? Mecha Jetter Girl - Alexis Aerius Zero Saber Girl - Haru [Needs a surname] Destructor Girl - [Yet to be decided by Zachie69] |
| | | | .nyappy.
Regular Poster
 Posts : 132
Join date : 2010-10-29
Age : 28
Location : Sanctuary (my room)
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sat Mar 12, 2011 7:26 am | |
| Destructor should be a sniper since he is fat so maybe he just sits and hides around all day targeting enemies in a secret, impossible to find place with his BOOM missiles  or atleast thats what i think...>_> now excuse me while I think of a good Jikun Hu/Long backstory  | |
| | | | Midreus
Adept Poster
Posts : 686
Join date : 2011-03-01
Age : 32
Location : sayang world
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sat Mar 12, 2011 7:42 am | |
| - LXE wrote:
- Zero Saber Girl - Haruko Haruhara
because why not? | |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sat Mar 12, 2011 7:44 am | |
| - Midreus wrote:
- LXE wrote:
- Zero Saber Girl - Haruko Haruhara
because why not? Sounds good, but what does "Haruhara" mean? Wait a second... THAT NAME IS TAKEN!!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_FLCL_characters#Haruko_Haruhara So that can't be her name. |
| | | | Midreus
Adept Poster
Posts : 686
Join date : 2011-03-01
Age : 32
Location : sayang world
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sat Mar 12, 2011 7:51 am | |
| - LXE wrote:
- Midreus wrote:
- LXE wrote:
- Zero Saber Girl - Haruko Haruhara
because why not? Sounds good, but what does "Haruhara" mean?
Wait a second... THAT NAME IS TAKEN!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_FLCL_characters#Haruko_Haruhara
So that can't be her name. tons of people share a name with each other i highly doubt there are six billion or so unique names across all human languages put together oh and besides, Haruko Haruhara is an awesome name | |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sat Mar 12, 2011 7:58 am | |
| - Midreus wrote:
- LXE wrote:
- Midreus wrote:
because why not? Sounds good, but what does "Haruhara" mean?
Wait a second... THAT NAME IS TAKEN!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_FLCL_characters#Haruko_Haruhara
So that can't be her name. tons of people share a name with each other
i highly doubt there are six billion or so unique names across all human languages put together
oh and besides, Haruko Haruhara is an awesome name As far as I'm concerned, the rule of thumb is that anime/manga characters have similar names, and never exactly the same. Haruno Sakura (Naruto)- Avalon (I think this was her surname) Sakura (Cardcaptors) |
| | | | Midreus
Adept Poster
Posts : 686
Join date : 2011-03-01
Age : 32
Location : sayang world
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sat Mar 12, 2011 8:11 am | |
| - LXE wrote:
- Midreus wrote:
- LXE wrote:
- Sounds good, but what does "Haruhara" mean?
Wait a second... THAT NAME IS TAKEN!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_FLCL_characters#Haruko_Haruhara
So that can't be her name. tons of people share a name with each other
i highly doubt there are six billion or so unique names across all human languages put together
oh and besides, Haruko Haruhara is an awesome name As far as I'm concerned, the rule of thumb is that anime/manga characters have similar names, and never exactly the same.
Haruno Sakura (Naruto)- Avalon (I think this was her surname) Sakura (Cardcaptors) The one you're looking for is Kinomoto Sakura (Card Captor Sakura). Also, Haruno Sakura (Wandaba Style). | |
| | | | necrio
Master Poster
Posts : 2134
Join date : 2010-11-09
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sat Mar 12, 2011 2:01 pm | |
| no one mentioned about the abundance of Hayates?
Hayate, Hayate everywhere. | |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sat Mar 12, 2011 5:49 pm | |
| How about, "Haruno Haruko"?
=.=; |
| | | | TerraChika
Ace Poster
Posts : 1000
Join date : 2011-01-04
Age : 29
Location : Philippines
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sun Mar 13, 2011 12:23 am | |
| - necrio wrote:
- no one mentioned about the abundance of Hayates?
Hayate, Hayate everywhere. Ouch. | |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sun Mar 13, 2011 6:55 am | |
| Hey guys, Please support the Roleplaying thread created by Necrio. He's lacking viewers, posts, and what not. |
| | | | necrio
Master Poster
Posts : 2134
Join date : 2010-11-09
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sun Mar 13, 2011 8:07 am | |
| - LXE wrote:
- Hey guys, Please support the Roleplaying thread created by Necrio. He's lacking viewers, posts, and what not.
wat oh well, free advertising, how nice of you. | |
| | | | Nisa
God Poster
Posts : 7152
Join date : 2010-12-29
Age : 28
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Sun Mar 13, 2011 12:59 pm | |
| - necrio wrote:
- LXE wrote:
- Hey guys, Please support the Roleplaying thread created by Necrio. He's lacking viewers, posts, and what not.
wat
oh well, free advertising, how nice of you. Reverse Trolling. Oh and since registering your character takes an awfully long time to think up,I think....I'm gonna stay here albeit longer. | |
| | | | Yokura
Ace Poster
Posts : 1237
Join date : 2010-12-31
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Mon Mar 14, 2011 2:10 am | |
| Lily Rain - Spoiler:
"Congratulations, you have been selected for this rare opportunity because you have a very rare and special ability."
"Whoa! Lily! It looks like we're both going to be going together! This is so exciting!" Aki rambled and hugged a shellshocked Lily. And no one could blame Lily's speechlessness. After all, she was one of the few selected for this highly unique and prestigious institutions. And... one of two to be able to escape the orphanage that -was- their home.
It was only on the car ride to the airport, that Lily finally broke down in tears, joyful and a tad unbelieving. Gently, Aki drew Lily close to her, sympathetic, as she had gone through the same thing a few days prior when the news was broken to her.
"We're going... to the most famous and elite institution in the entire galaxy," Lily muttered, face buried in Aki's stomach, "A place where we'll be hailed as geniuses..."
"A place where we'll have food to eat and beds to sleep in every day," Aki added softly, "It'll be a wonderful new life Lily."
Lily sighed contently, a small smile playing on her lips. Suddenly exhausted, Lily's entire body sagged, all the adrenaline and excitement passing. Noticing this, Aki lay Lily's head on her lap, ignoring all protests.
"Shh, rest now. I'll wake you up when we get to the airport."
----------------------------------
"Congratulations Aki!" "Good Job!" "Wow Aki, you're amazing!"
"Aki, Aki, Aki!" Lily pushed past the crowd outside their dorm room, "I heard you scored a perfect on the exam! And even knocked out the instructor! Ready for the battlefield now huh?"
Beaming, Aki swept Lily into a hug, "Yes! I'm so excited! The first mission is in two days!"
-----------------------------------
Dashing quickly to the left, Lily narrowly avoided psygun shots, and returned fire with her own CVL-Trance Skirt. Her opponent too, was quick on her feet and dodged the shots with ease, burst firing with her missles. Taking quick aim, Lily shot down the incoming missiles midair.
The battle had been waging for a long time now, and Lily's opponent was visibly drained, not physically, but mentally.
Chance! Lily float dashed swiftly to her opponent, brushing past her side, and fired all weapons point blank. The result was a sizable explosion and a considerable amount of splash damage.
"Pass!"
The arena burst with cheers and applause, and fellow classmates yelled their congratulations to the newly promoted robot. Shyly, Lily couldn't help but to smile, and sigh with relief. She would now be able to join Aki in her missions!
Instructor Cecil dusted herself off and smiled at Lily. "Congratulations! You have quite an extraordinary will, to be able to fight so continuously with that skirt."
"Thank you!"
-------------------------------
"Oh! Sure, I can go with you on this mission!" Aki said, "I'll have to take it a little easy though, the medics said that I shouldn't be doing anything strenuous for a little while. But a mission with Lily is hardly strenuous for Aki, Rain Skirt Weilder~" Aki winks, laughing.
Beaming, Lily bound off to prepare for their mission, and yelled back amusingly, "Nothing is strenuous for you Aki!"
Once out of sight, Aki sighed, a little melancholy. "Oh Lily..."
They also said my mental health was getting damaged too fast.
--------------------------------*
"It's been going on too long. Pull back!"
"But there's still units on the frontlines!" Lily protested, "We can't just leave them there!"
"No one is able to fight!" The commander replied harshly, "There's a limit to how much willpower each unit has, and there are none left that can still fight without suffering from a mental collapse! Those at the front will have to teleport back to base!"
"I can still fight!" Lily yelled back angrily, "I'm not leaving Aki out there while she's still recovering! Willpower, tch. The limit of these weapons are our imaginations!"
Ignoring the concerned protests of her colleges, Lily dashed towards the front lines, quickly jumping onto a cliff ledge for height advantage. Taking a quick overview of the area, she spotted the 3 man RAIN Platoon hiding just outside of the enemy's sniper sight. Thinking quickly, she fired two rounds into the air, alerting the enemy sniper of her position and taking attention away from the fatigued RAIN Platoon. Jumping off the cliff ledge, she avoided the railgun shot as it passed by overhead and quickly backtracked around the terrain, circling to get to the others.
Please let me get there before anything happens...
"Aki! Everyone!" Lily cried out, emerging from the tunnel to the RAIN Platoon, "Is everything okay?"
Aki didn't turn around, concentrating on the enemy position, "I don't have much energy left, this will be my last shot at that sniper. And there's still the AIR unit hovering above him. Everyone else is out of energy already, and pushing them further is a 100% chance of mental collapse. We'll have to - !"
A beam rifle shot narrowly missed Aki. Unfortunately, it went through Lily's skirt right behind Aki.
"Dammit!" Lily quickly discarded her skirt, "The sensors are malfunctioning. It looks like the AIR unit is a sniper as well..."
"I see. We have no time to waste," Aki said lowly, "Here goes." Taking careful aim, Aki's skirt whirled to life with an intense glow, and the psyguns pierced the air towards the ART unit.
True to her aim, all four shots hit, but not before the sniper managed to get another railgun shot, this time blowing up their rock cover. Flinching, Aki shielded herself from the flying debris with her hands, but sunk to her knees, energy spent.
"Aki!"
"Lily, I can't fight anymore..." Aki said tiredly, eyes glazed, "Here, use my RAIN skirt. We're counting on you..."
One of their teammates caught Aki just as she slumped over and fell unconscious, retreating to the cave behind them. High above, the AIR unit circled around them lazily.
"Lily! Aki has a high fever! I think she overdid it... Her shots were always the most powerful, but... it takes a lot of mental energy..."
Lily nodded, silent as she donned Aki's RAIN skirt. She motioned for everyone to retreat to the cave, safe temporarily, but the AIR unit was getting closer, and had plenty of room to aim and fire. She had to finish this quickly.
The first shot missed Lily as she dashed out from under cover, moving quickly and hoisted herself onto the ledge above. Firing four psygun shots, Lily felt strangely light, and continued to move swiftly across the terrain as the AIR unit gave chase and repeatedly fired rifle shots.
Quickly, Lily float dashed directly under the air unit, and took aim at its back. Firing all missles and psyguns, she managed to stun the AIR unit temporarily, but it recovered quickly and looped away from the projectiles, landing on the ground. Now they were on even terrain.
It became a test of speed, to see who could fly the fastest, who could aim the quickest. Dancing around each other, they were evenly matched in terms of speed, and dodged even the most well aimed shots.
But Lily was just a little faster, thanks to Aki's RAIN skirt, slowly, her shots missed by smaller and smaller margins, they both knew it. Eventually, she would win.
So the AIR unit changed tactics suddenly, and shot straight up into the air, and looped away, towards the RAIN Platoon.
"No!"
Turning quickly, Lily float dashed towards the AIR unit, and brushed past its as it landed. It started to turn around, but it was too late. Their eyes met, and in that moment, Lily's cold glare chilled it to its core as she burst fired point blank, raining artillery and decimating the AIR unit.
-------------------------------------
"Aki can no longer fight or she will suffer a full scale mental collapse."
"Ah, Lily, I'm sorry, it looks like I won't be able to go on anymore missions with you. The medics said I was just too awesome and overloaded the weapons with too much brainwave power," Aki winked, "Cheer up! I'm still going to be here, so you better get to the top in my place! You can keep my skirt too."
"But..."
"No buts! We'll have to think of a cute name for you now too!"
"Aki, Rain Skirt Wielder ..."
"I know! From now on, you will be ..."
Lily Rain
Er, that turned out way longer than I intended it to be. Now all I hafta do is make a doujin..... Weeeee | |
| | | | necrio
Master Poster
Posts : 2134
Join date : 2010-11-09
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Mon Mar 14, 2011 5:05 am | |
| okay then, brace yourselves
Grienaut, the movie
coming in a thousand years | |
| | | | Wolf Hikari
Shiromo Get Launched Off
Posts : 2985
Join date : 2010-10-01
Age : 31
Location : The Twin Moon
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Mon Mar 14, 2011 6:52 am | |
| - LXE wrote:
- How about, "Haruno Haruko"?
=.=; Fine I will send her name, Haru Setsuna. Locked! (The name) | |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Mon Mar 14, 2011 6:57 am | |
| - Wolf Hikari wrote:
- LXE wrote:
- How about, "Haruno Haruko"?
=.=;
Fine I will send her name, Haru Setsuna. Locked! (The name) Lulwut? Setsuna F. Seiei, ORE WA GANDAMU!!! |
| | | | necrio
Master Poster
Posts : 2134
Join date : 2010-11-09
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Mon Mar 14, 2011 7:10 am | |
| - LXE wrote:
- Wolf Hikari wrote:
- LXE wrote:
- How about, "Haruno Haruko"?
=.=;
Fine I will send her name, Haru Setsuna. Locked! (The name) Lulwut? Setsuna F. Seiei, ORE WA GANDAMU!!! Should've been Haro Setsuna. | |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Mon Mar 14, 2011 7:12 am | |
| - necrio wrote:
- LXE wrote:
- Wolf Hikari wrote:
Fine I will send her name, Haru Setsuna. Locked! (The name) Lulwut? Setsuna F. Seiei, ORE WA GANDAMU!!! Should've been Haro Setsuna. +1 That won't fit, people will think of Setsuna F. Seiei! |
| | | | Guest
Guest
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Tue Mar 15, 2011 1:54 am | |
| - Wolf Hikari wrote:
- Zero Saber Girl
- In My Mind (with annotations) PART ONE:
PARAGRAPH 1
It has been three days since Haru was accidentally thrown to an unknown planet. (How did she get thrown there? What happened when she was in the spaceship that launched her to this unknown planet? What happened when she landed on the planet? Don't start the story in the middle of storyline)
She can breathe it's almost like earth "What is this place?" she is wondering where she is. She doesn't know what to do, she don't know if she can also eat and rest. Nobody was there, but how can she be alive? It was all the questions. Haru decides to travel the place, hoping to meet at least know something that may can help her to live.(This isn't neccessarily needed just make her wonder where she is, need to rewrite this with more detail, You need to express her emotions, what she sees around her, is she at a forest? In the middle of the desert? or is she swiming in the ocean?)
PARAGRAPH 2
A few hours passed, Haru still doesn't find any track or what she needs. She was tired, dropped and drop her body against the boulder beside her. "I am tired.. What I suppose to do? I can't even saw any food... Aww.. I am hungry.." She can't be helped, dying on herself. She then accidentally fell asleep. (Needs more detail, use similes, metaphors, emotive language and descriptive language)
"Hey, are you alright?" said a robotic voice
"Zero, can you stop being like that. She's a girl." said another voice, this time it was a girl (Always start a new line when writing dialogue, so it is clear and easy to read)
Haru open her eyes slowly, she saw yellow robot's head at first then the other girl in red behind the behind it. (More detail in description is required, you have to pretend the reader knows nothing)
"What!? What are you!" Haru surprisingly asked (Very rude, not the kind of greeting a person would give to somebody who wants to help Instead, try something like this)
"Oh Hello, Who are you two?" Haru asked
"Oh, you're up." Said the the girl with red armor
"It's dangerous around Archantus, what are you doing here?" the small yellow robot asked (Fixed)
"Yeah, we just detected some power of chaos was here just then. Maybe they're hiding somewhere." said the red girl
"What? Archantus? Chaos? What are these two talking about?" Haru thought in her mind.(Be the narrator and describe what Haru is feeling, what is she thinking? Don't make her say her thoughts to the reader, it's not really interesting that way, you want to make the reader wonder about her. It kind of adds suspense
"Oh, you seems to be surprised. You must be not from here." The red girl said.
"Just... How are you?" Haru asked. "Sorry, I almost forgot. My name is Crimrose, you can call me Crim, this one is Zero Saber." The red girl said.
"Hi!" the yellow robot said
"We're from the Angel Force that was sent to investigate the power if chaos here." Crim added.
Haru become confused. First, the yellow robot and a girl wearing a ridiculous red armor, then Chaos and Archantus. Now, Angel Force, she become more confuse after thinking of it.
"I am Haru.." She said as she don't know what to respond. Her belly growling without noticed, and she become ashamed. "I see.. you must be hungry." Said Crimrose.
(SKIPPED THE EATING PART)(NEVER EVER DO THIS, THIS MAKES THE STORY INCONSISTENT. Write about what happens when they eat, where do they go? What do they do? All these questions are left unanswered.)
PARAGRAPH 4
After eating, Crim and Zero continue their search for the chaos. Haru following them as she cannot be left behind just like hat. Crimrose is flying to look out at the sky, meanwhile Zero and Haru walking on the ground.
Suddenly, CrimRose was ZOOKAD shot down with an explosive projectile (Never use gameplay terms, use proper English as it makes the story more fulfilling to read)
"Wah!" And she fell to the ground.
"They're here!" Zero said.
"Roger.." Crimrose replied
and get's themselves armed. They hastefully arm themselves as they prepare for a battle that is just right ahead of them (Compare this sentence I just added to the text I crossed out)
An Artillery tries to sneak attack Haru from the back. Haru saw it coming almost hit her but saved by Zero. (Not detailed enough)
A large bulky and nearly monstrous looking gigantic robot storms behind Haru, it swings it's massive axe at her. Haru stared at the monstrous robot, her mind went blank, she was helpless. In a split second, Zero desperately rushed and grabbed hold of Haru's lithe body. He managed to save her, from impending death. Zero glared into the monster's eyes, and drew his razor sharp sword. The monster roared, and fired him, but it was already too late. With one swift move, Zero has sliced the monster in half.(This is what I'm talking about, more detail means more suspense, more suspense means a more interesting story)
I've given you some pointers, I'm not trying to be harsh on you but your story has a lot of holes. You need to fill those holes. (You need to add in more detail) |
| | | | Wolf Hikari
Shiromo Get Launched Off
Posts : 2985
Join date : 2010-10-01
Age : 31
Location : The Twin Moon
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:13 am | |
| - LXE wrote:
- necrio wrote:
- LXE wrote:
- Lulwut? Setsuna F. Seiei, ORE WA GANDAMU!!!
Should've been Haro Setsuna. +1
That won't fit, people will think of Setsuna F. Seiei! Setsuna name have something to do with sabers and swords. So I pick Haru Setsuna or Setsuna Haru. real name os setsuna f. seiei is not setsuna. setsuna f. seiei is only exist in Exia or any 00Raiser or 00Quanta gundam.! Is there any other problem?  @before this post What do you expect? O_O | |
| | | | necrio
Master Poster
Posts : 2134
Join date : 2010-11-09
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:16 am | |
| wolf, shouldn't you be writing one for Hatigarm? | |
| | | | Wolf Hikari
Shiromo Get Launched Off
Posts : 2985
Join date : 2010-10-01
Age : 31
Location : The Twin Moon
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:19 am | |
| - necrio wrote:
- wolf, shouldn't you be writing one for Hatigarm?
I was still thinking on that! Why you speak it out? D: | |
| | | | necrio
Master Poster
Posts : 2134
Join date : 2010-11-09
| | Subject: Re: Story Time Thread - Release your imagination Tue Mar 15, 2011 10:25 am | |
| - Wolf Hikari wrote:
- necrio wrote:
- wolf, shouldn't you be writing one for Hatigarm?
I was still thinking on that! Why you speak it out? D: Because you are a furry a guy who likes wolves. I am great at analyzing stuff  | |
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